Day Nineteen

Yesterday was another crazy day. I didn't get the chance to blog. I have been keeping up with my letters though. On Friday I posted, but forgot to mention that I wrote to a friend whom I used to work with back East. She is a woman who is constantly surprising me with amazing under-takings. I wanted her to know how she inspires me. Yesterday I wrote to one of my Uncles. He is an uncle on my father's side. We aren't very close however he was always very kind to me and my family. I heard through the grapevine that he is facing some physical challenges right now, so I thought a letter might feel good. Today I wrote to my good friend from back home. She's another single mom. We became close the year before I left for CA (it figures). I miss her and I was thinking about her, how crazy her life is and what a big heart she has.

I got some feedback too! My sister Laura returned from her cross country trip with my mother in tow. She called to say she was back and that my letter filled her with warm fuzzies. I remember wishing I had thought to send her a letter that she would get before she left. Now I can see that the Universe is in divine order...as usual!

I also got a text from a friend whom I had written to last week. She loved her card too! Yippee! It feels good to know I'm putting some love out there.

Day Seventeen

I feel pretty darn good today. I have so much going on that feels out of my control. I've surrendered. I'm trusting that the universe knows where I'm going and I also trust that it's somewhere great. Some days I wake up and start moving and just follow my instincts all day as to what I'm supposed to be doing. In some ways it feels scary and in other ways it feels peaceful. I like to think of it as going with the flow.

As I've been writing letters, I've noticed something really great. It's getting easier and easier to connect with the amazing qualities in others. It's not a struggle at all. It's such a great feeling to hold someone in their best light, even if it is only for an intense few minutes. As I re-read the letters, I confirm to myself that everything I've written is true. These people in my life are amazing, fabulous, bright, shiny beings. Even though they are all different, the essence is the same. Pure love.

I've heard that you can only see in others what can be found in yourself. That's a big one to take in. I'm seeing some pretty incredible things in others. Does that mean I am those things too???? If you could see my face right now with raised eyebrows and a look of skepticism, you would understand that this is a hard one for me to take in and truly embrace. On some level I know that I am a fabulous, loving, powerful bright and shiny being who is making a difference in other people's lives. If only I could live like I believe that down to my core. Day after day of seeing it in others is bound to help me see it in myself...at least I hope so!

My sister got her letter yesterday. This is what she wrote to me: Thank you so much for my beautiful "Project Gratitude" letter. I love you more than you can possibly know. Actually, you may know. But I actually love you even more than that! And let me tell you, if everyone you send a letter to feels half as warm and fuzzy as I did when I received the letter, you are onto something pretty powerful. I love you, sis! Keep up the amazing work....great things are coming!

That felt so good to hear! I hope she doesn't mind that I published that. I don't think she will.

Onward ho!

Day Sixteen

Yesterday just whizzed away on me and I was too tired to blog by the time things slowed down. Things are good. I feel like I've sent a lot of love out there into the universe. It feels like too much to keep track of anymore, so I'm not even thinking about who has or hasn't received their gratitude yet. I like it this way. I feel the energy of "unexpected" good things around the corner. It's a great space to be in.

Yesterday I wrote to my beloved friend. A new friend in CA who has just completely blossomed in front of my eyes. She's a spectacle to see and I feel so honored to be able to witness her growth. She is such an inspiration to me.

Tonight I just wrote a letter to my old boss. I was feeling a deep sense of appreciation for her today. I was a judge for a competition at FIDM today. There were hefty scholarships being awarded and the decisions were entrusted to me. I did a little self-evaluating and wondered just how I got here. How did I become this "professional" woman whose opinion and skills are valued by the industry? I thought of the role that my former boss has played in my growth and I felt the urge to tell her. I want her to know that her faith in me, her respect and the guidance she has given me over the last 15 years has been invaluable. I hope I expressed it adequately.

Day Fourteen

Today was a long day filled with lots of good stuff. I'm auditing a class at FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) in LA. I'm going to be an instructor in January. Today, I met with the assistant department head and she told me that I am the front-runner for the two open classes next quarter. That made me happy. It got me back in touch with the fact that I have talents and a lot to offer, even in an intimidating atmosphere...(Yes! I'm intimidated.) I guess I hide it well because I am perceived as confident...go figure! Anyway, as I am auditing the class, I basically need to "be a student". I'm very much in touch with my competitive over-achiever as I take the quizzes and do the homework. I had no idea what I was getting into. It's actually fun, stimulating and a great place to meet some exciting creative people. I'm very grateful for this opportunity and I'm glad that I didn't let intimidation keep me from taking a chance.

So today, my brother commented on his letter. I was a little bummed that he hadn't responded, thinking he must have received his letter almost a week ago. I started to worry that somehow he misinterpreted my letter, in which I talked about his potential, as judgmental or condescending... (things I've been accused of occasionally by siblings). Well, today he texted me a happy little text about it. It made me smile. I love my brother and in case he forgot...I reminded him.

Did I mention that things with my daughter are so much better? Well, they are. Today we went for a photo shoot to get her some head shots. She's looking to get signed by an agent for modeling and acting. It was so much fun. She looked amazing. Her hair was PERFECT! I think we are going to have a hard time deciding on just one pose! We were in sync, I was helpful, she was open...life is goooood!

Today I wrote to another sister...good stuff.

Day Thirteen

I've been thinking hard. I was at the gym today and I thought about the times that I have felt the absolute best. I decided it was the times that I have felt connected and part of the whole. When I remember that we are all "one" and really feel that, it's an amazing feeling. When I look around the gym and see all the "old" people and the "others" that I am judging and ignoring I feel sad. So, I stopped judging and remembered that we are all one. I smiled at people and it felt so much better.

I also realized that my fear of people thinking I'm weird because I'm writing a mushy love/gratitude letter out of the blue goes along with my fear of just being myself. I am consciously working on stepping into my greatness, shining as bright as I can and just being me in all of my glory. If that includes writing love letters to everyone I know, so be it! Let them think I'm weird!

Today I wrote to my friend Melanie. We don't see each other often, but when we do I am filled with HER sunshine. She's so talented and sweet and just...shiny! I love basking in her light.

Day Twelve

I've been thinking about this project. It's bringing up a lot of different emotions. Yesterday I was feeling bad because I had skipped a day and I wasn't really in the mood to write any letters. I was procrastinating and not looking forward to it. I wondered if I was already losing my enthusiasm for this. However, once I went into my bedroom and started to write, I felt so much better. I was glad to get back on the bandwagon.

Today I wrote to my neighbor from childhood. She was the mom in a family that lived across the street from us. She had two boys. One of them became my high school sweetheart and later my fiance. Things didn't work out between her son and me, yet she was (and still is) someone I could call on at any given time for any reason and she would be there for me. As I was writing the letter, the words were coming out perfectly. Still, I worried that she is going to think it's strange to be getting a letter from me, out of the blue, telling her how much she means to me. I actually worry about this with all of my letters. I think people aren't used to random expressions of love and gratitude. I guess I shouldn't worry. So what if they think I'm weird, right?

Day Eleven

Well, I missed a day. I was not feeling well at all yesterday, so I did not write. I felt bad about it even though I gave myself permission to take the day off. And today, I've been putting off writing my letters. I'm not sure what's behind that. I'm giving it some thought.

So tonight I wrote two letters to make up for missing yesterday. I wrote to my brother in law, who is battling liver cancer. He is an amazing guy who just waltzed into my sister's life about 6 years ago. He has been a true Godsend. I wanted him to know how lucky we all are to have him in our lives. The way that he has come in and allowed himself to be embraced by our "mostly crazy" family has been so rewarding. He loves my sister's children as his own and they consider him their father. He's a great guy. I hope he hangs around for a lot longer.

I also wrote to one of my very favorite cousins. It's her wedding day today. I was unable to go to her wedding (boo!) and I've been thinking about her all day. I'm about 15 years older than her, so I remember how much I loved her when she was born. Now I love her even more as she has grown into a really special adult! I miss her a lot. She moved to Hawaii and I moved to LA, so we have not spent much time together lately. I was happy to tell her how much I love her.

Yesterday, when I was sick, I got a big hug from my friend Anne at the bus stop when I was picking up my daughter. She loved her card...

Day Nine

Today I am feeling very much under the weather. I'm achy all over and have a big head cold and no voice. I thought about skipping my letter today and then decided that it was really important to write one every day. I decided to write my daughter another little love note. This one is much lighter. We're in a better place than we were last week. I'm going to leave it on her bed so she gets it before bed time. I feel good that I made the effort, although a little part of me feels like I cheated...just that crazy perfectionist that lives inside of me! Time to chill and get better.

Day Eight

Aaaaahhhhh....I feel good. My gratitude has started to reach its final destinations. My Aunt emailed me and told me that my grandmother was very happy to get my letter. Just knowing that it made her happy makes me happy! Then my local friend emailed me telling me how much she loved her letter. She told me that she was amazed at how much love I always have to give. That feels good to hear too! Then my friend from the East Coast texted me this morning telling me that I made her cry. She was very touched. Mission accomplished. I just want people to know how much they are loved and valued by me.

I have to say that it feels really good to pour out the love. It feels good to know that it makes others happy. I've been a little bit crazed the past few days and I'm feeling sick too, but writing the letters has been a highlight of my day. Committing to send love out into the world feels good. Taking the time to think of a specific person and what they mean to me is creating a sense of gratitude that I haven't experienced before. It's only been a week and I feel so rich! I can only imagine how great I'm going to feel in a month, six months, a year!

Today I wrote to my friend Anne. I moved to California last summer and I met her at the school bus stop on the first day of school. We hit it off immediately. We start talking and before you know it 30 minutes has gone by and we have to tear ourselves away. She's such a fun, loving, generous, spiritual being. I feel lucky to have connected with her so quickly. It's been a year now and I know she is someone I will always want in my life.

Day Seven

Today I'm feeling a little bit run-down. I am staring a head cold in the face and I'm determined to win!

REALLY great things are happening for me. I feel like I am going in a hundred different directions all at the same time. I've got so many balls in the air. I just put the finishing touches on my book, "Get Your Gratitude On!" and I'm going to meet with a graphic person tomorrow to talk about getting it printed. That's pretty exciting. On Tuesday mornings I audit a textile class at FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) in LA. I'm going to be an instructor in January. I have to audit the class before I can teach it. It's a big investment of time; however I think it will be worth it. I love the energy there. I'm meeting some cool people and I love fashion and textiles, so it's perfect! I met with the school store manager this morning to talk to her about a pillow idea from my company---Pillow Panache. I'm all inspired to create something for them. On Sunday I got a call from a Facebook friend because I put out a cry for help on my website. She ended up being this completely selfless, dynamic and awesome woman. She ended up having an amazing contact for me regarding a pillow customer as well! A really big deal if (WHEN!) it pans out.

My focus right now is to build my pillow business. My main income is coming from consulting as a Textile Designer for various domestic and international clients. I'm also working on two books. And I'm going to be teaching....see what I mean? I feel like I'm swirling yet it feels like a peaceful swirl. I've surrendered to the Universe. It knows what's best for me and it also knows the path for me to step into my true greatness. I'm taking one step at a time and going with the flow. I know this swirl is going to calm and I will land in the perfect place.

I am feeling filled with gratitude. I've been writing letters for a week now. They are starting to feel like love letters. Do you know how good it feels to LOVE? Soooooo good!

Today I wrote to a friend from back east. I was thinking about her grace, her calm strength and her loving heart. I wanted to shower her with love. I hope she feels loved when she reads it.

Day Six

Today I didn't have to think too hard. The little turtle was calling to me. I had to write to my sister. She's leaving for a big trip back east and I don't think she'll get it before she leaves. Oh well...gratitude will be waiting for her when she gets back!

I'm feeling a little bit rushed today. I have a lot to do. I'll write more soon...

Day Five

Today I'm at Starbuck's enjoying a cup of coffee, keeping myself busy while my daughter is at her acting class in Hollywood. I've got four hours...and lots to do. Finish the revisions on my book, work on my website, work on some pillow designs...

What I most want to do is write another letter. I bought a card yesterday that says, "You are so much sunshine to the square inch". This card resonates with me for a few reasons. The biggest one is that last fall I played a 90-day game called PLD. It's a personal growth seminar/game where you set goals in four areas of your life (health, wealth, spiritual, and relationships) and you CREATE the life you want with the support of a team and coaches. It's a 90 day thrill ride completely worth taking! Anyway, I had a team of 14 and we were very tight (still are). My nickname was Sister Mary Sunshine...At first I was embarrassed. Shining is something I've worked hard at repressing. In my life it hasn't felt okay to shine. Through the process of PLD and with the love and support of my team, I have learned to except and embrace my shininess. It was really the first time I ever felt like it was safe to shine. I'm still in the process of learning how to shine freely. So...that card called to me.

The other reason it resonated was that I know others who are gigantic rays of sunshine. I had someone in mind when I bought it, however in the moment of writing it shifted to someone else. Someone who constantly amazes me with her energy, spirit, courage, determination and pure goodness. I wanted her to know how much she inspires me. She reminds me that it's important for me to shine. It's not about me reaching my goals or being great. It's about who I can inspire along the way. We don't need permission to shine; however I like having people in my life to remind me to do it!

Fourth Letter

I definitely feel the effects of this project. I am thinking about the people in my life all of the time and wondering what nice things I can say about them. I think that is a good place to be! I've got a couple of followers--yippee! That's unexpected fun. I hope that I will be able to reach a lot of people and spread some of the "good stuff".

Today I went to shop for stationery. I was a little bit disappointed, not finding something that blew me away. I wish I didn't have such high expectations all of the time. I guess it's the designer in me. I like things to be visually pleasing and evoke emotion. Is that so wrong? I found some cute note cards and got them. One had a turtle on it. One of my sister's loves turtles. It made me think of how she will smile when she opens the card with the cute turtle swimming in the sun with a tiny bird on his back. She'll love it. Anyway, it's not her turn today. I felt like writing to my brother. I think he thinks I think I am better than him. Know what I mean??? It's not true. I love my brother. Sometimes when people you love are struggling, you want so much more for them. When I talk to him I like to give him ideas and inspire him to go for what he wants in life. I think he interprets my advice as lectures or judgments. They're not intended to be that way. My brother is a really great guy. He has much to offer the world. I wanted him to know that.

Third Letter

Today is a little bit rough. I'm feeling very raw. My daughter and I are still fighting. I guess 15 year olds are supposed to hate their mothers???? I guess that's the rule for a reason...more opportunity for growth! Sometimes I just hate growth...

So, today I'm feeling somewhat sad. Sad that I don't know the answers. I don't know how to make everything okay. I had an appointment this morning and as I was driving I thought about my own mother and how hard it must have been for her to be a single mom with no money, raising 5 hungry, whiney, needy (but damn cute) kids. I started to empathize with what she must have gone through. I think of myself as a very different kind of mother than my own. As I was driving, I thought of the similarities. How she was doing the best she knew how and maybe that wasn't enough for me. How I was still sad or angry despite her best efforts. What more can we ask of someone than their best efforts? I thought maybe it's my mother's turn for a letter today...

So, I searched through my stationery, not happy with the selection. Nothing was really suitable for my mother. I'm kind of a stationery snob and things have to be "just so". I settled on a card with a photo of the Eiffel Tower in a lightening storm. Not quite right, but it would have to do since I felt this rare connection and kinship to my mom and had to get it on paper as soon as possible. So, I lit my candle, put on my music and started to write. As I was writing, it wasn't feeling quite right. I wasn't feeling the love. I wasn't honoring my mother in all of her greatness. It was more of a report on the connection I discovered. Not good enough. She deserves more. Today is not the day for my mother.

I had a great conversation earlier with a dear friend. She's truly amazing. We've been friends for over 30 years. I wrote her a letter filled with the wonder of who she is. It felt good, right and worthy. Aaaaahhhh......

letter two

I just wrote my second letter. I wasn't sure who to write to at first. I sat quietly for a few minutes and let people come to mind. Suddenly my grandmother popped into my head. My grandmother is 98 ( I think). She has a full head of super-white hair and is a rock. I do not have much of a relationship with my grandmother. It's not something I spend a lot of time thinking about. My parents were divorced when I was 8 and building relationships with his side of the family was difficult. Anyway, I think about her...old and lonely. Sitting...waiting to die. I don't think she's very happy.

As I was writing I told her that I regretted not knowing her better and not making the effort to have a relationship. I can only imagine the stories she must have locked up inside of her. I cried thinking about what will be lost when she leaves this earth. Then I asked her if she would write to me. It's never too late. I hope that she will. I will cherish anything that she is willing to share.

Day Two

Well, a funny thing happened...while I was writing my letter of love to my daughter, she was busy writing a hate letter to me. I mentioned that we are in the middle of a fight. Part of her punishment was to write a list of 20 things that I do for her. I wanted to shift her into a state of gratitude. Clearly, that backfired on me. When I went to bed I placed her card on her desk so that she would get it in the morning and happily went to bed. When I got into my room there was a list of reasons why she hates me and why I'm a terrible mother. It was very hurtful and quite a contrast to the love I poured out to her. I cried myself to sleep.

I'm really glad that I wrote my letter when I did. I don't know if I could have written from such a pure place if I had read her hate mail first. I'm worried that she isn't in the space to receive my words right now. I'm letting go. My intention isn't to force things to happen, just to put the love and gratitude out into the world.

My first letter...

Well, I just wrote my first letter. I lit a candle, put on some soft music and centered into a loving state, focusing on my daughter. As I started to write, the tears started to flow. I didn't have to think about what I needed to say. The words just came. I hope what I wrote is what she needs to hear. It felt really good.

Day One

October 13, 2010

I'm writing a book about gratitude. It's called, Get Your Gratitude On! It's a short book with 12 different ways to get into the state of gratitude. I think that gratitude is one of the most powerful states of "being". The vibration of gratitude is in the same realm as pure love. When we are feeling gratitude for what we have, when we are conscious of all of the wonders in our lives that we take for granted, and when we have gratitude for everything yet to come we are sending out vibrations that will attract back all the good that we want in our lives. It's definitely a state of being to strive for.

I've been wanting to feel more grateful on a regular basis. I'm practicing the techniques in my book. One of the suggested techniques is to write a letter to someone in your life every week, telling them how much you love them, how much they mean to you or what a difference they have made in your life. I've been thinking of doing this for years and have never actually started. I always get excited when I think about it. I think about how good it will feel to tell the people I love how much they mean to me. I think about how good it will feel for the recipient to open the letter and read loving thoughts about themselves. I know it would be a positive experience all around. I've stopped myself for silly reasons like, "I should wait until the first of the year to start." Or, "Shoot, it's January 17th and I haven't started yet...oops!" And there's the basic procrastination...

Suddenly, I am struck with a brilliant and inspiring idea. I want to write a letter of gratitude every single day for a year. I want to be in the space of truly honoring the good in the people in my life and letting them know that their existence is a gift to me and to the world. I want to journal about the experience. I want to see what will happen. My intention is to make people happy and create the vibration of living in gratitude. If I can inspire someone along the way to join in...all the better! Gratitude rippling through the universe...I LOVE IT!

So, I'm starting right now. I didn't know who I was going to start with until just this minute. I'm starting with my daughter. We had a really big fight this morning. She's shut off in her room right now, not speaking to me. Sitting here, I am overwhelmed with a feeling of love for her and I want to find just the right words to tell her how much she means to me. I'll let you know how it goes!