Gratitude Awakened...

I recently attended a workshop--Awaken the Rebel Live--and reconnected with this amazing gratitude journey that I was on a while ago.  My goal was to write one letter of gratitude every day for a year.  I did it for a few months and then got sidetracked and stopped.  The process of writing letters was amazing.  It was like channeling unconditional love out into the universe,  a feeling so powerful it's hard to express.  I don't know why I stopped, yet the important thing is that I was reminded of the journey and I'm choosing back in!

So, although this is a journey of gratitude and ultimately love, the blogging is an exploration of the ripple effects of this expression of love and my feelings around the process which continue to intrigue me.  For example...when I reconnected with the idea of pouring gratitude out into the world I became very emotional and passionate about it.  I cried.  It's powerful stuff.

Then, I started thinking about who I would write to.  Then I became immediately worried about what people would think of my mission to express love and gratitude.  People might think I'm weird.  Then I was mad at myself for being a coward and for caring what others would think.  Then I was determined to overcome the fear.  Then I was back at the place of wanting to be love.  Then I started writing...

Day One Hundred Forty Eight

I'm back again. I've been feeling very guilty for not writing letters and not blogging. My sister just got on my butt and encouraged me to write a letter and blog...so here I am!

I've been super overwhelmed lately. Mostly I'm just in and out of feeling like crap. I'm a solid month behind on my letters and that just feels bad. It's to the point where I'm not sure I can catch up, so I feel like a failure and I'm making it worse by not writing! Hmm...where else does this show up in my life?

I just wrote a letter to my cousin who was out west a couple of weeks ago. He's such a great guy. It's funny, he was one of the "young batch" of cousins and it's great to get to know him as an adult. He's probably going to think it's weird that I wrote him a letter and you know what???? I just don't care!

So much to say and so little time. I've got to run. It feels good to reconnect. I hope I remember that next time I think about not writing!

Day One Hundred Twenty

Ahhhh....I feel so much better now. I wrote 4 letters yesterday and 3 more today. I'm going to be caught up soon. I've been writing to members of the team I am coaching. I think they will appreciate the letters.

So much has been going on since I have blogged last. One of the biggest things is that I lost my biggest client. Basically I have my last paycheck in hand and it's not enough to pay the bills this month. I'm in a very tough situation. I've done my share of crying and every day I am pushing forward, following as many leads as possible and staying positive. Last week, I wrote a letter to my landlords telling them how much I appreciate them. They are truly the best landlords ever. This past summer I asked them if they could lower my rent, and they did--by $300! They are extremely understanding when the rent is a little late and are just plain good to me. After I told them how much I appreciate them I told them I lost my job. They called me as soon as they received my letter telling me not to worry and to call them so we could work something out. I was too emotional to respond. It's been a few days since they left the message. Today, my landlord showed up at my door, figuring it would be a hard call for me to make. He was right. He assured me that we would work it out. He said not to worry and we would get through it. He said that Paige and I were great tenants and good people and he was happy to have us in the house. He doesn't want me to make myself sick worrying. Who does this???? I feel SO grateful for his understanding. I don't really know how to show my gratitude.

Day One Hundred Nineteen

I'm back! Wow...life has been a bit of a whirlwind for the past 3 weeks. I'm coaching a personal growth seminar and it is extremely time consuming. I am submersed in it as well as everything else that is going on in my life. I am waaaaaay behind on my letter writing. I've been writing letters here and there and once I got out of the groove and felt the pressure of being behind, writing a letter per day didn't feel like it would make a dent. Intellectually I know this is silly (as are a lot of things I think) however it has kept me from getting back on the one-a-day bandwagon. Having said that, here I am proclaiming publicly that I am back on the bandwagon!

I've been conscious of being grateful for people and things around me every day. I miss my letter writing and I am looking forward to writing some letters tonight. I have gotten some feedback during this little hiatus. One of my neighbors from back home wrote me this really awesome email about how touched she was about my letter. She read it to her husband and then to her children. She proceeded to tell me how much she missed Paige and I living next door and updated me on all 3 of her children. It was great to know she was touched and great to hear how things are going with her family. I also saw a woman who I had written to a while ago. She had already thanked me for her letter, yet she thanked me again and told me it was the nicest letter she had ever gotten. She keeps it out and reads it all the time. I had also written to my long time life coach. She was very touched by her card. She said tears came to her eyes. She keeps it out as a reminder of why she does the work she does.

I love making a difference in people's lives. I've got to get writing now!

Day Ninety Three

Yesterday I wrote to a good friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in a while. Actually I spoke to her yesterday and wrote her letter when I got off the phone. She's one of those people who I connected to instantly. I know that I could call her anytime and no matter how long it has been, we would have a great conversation and not miss a beat. She's a dynamic and loving woman, full of positive energy. I'm glad I know her.

Last night, I had a meeting with 3 amazing people-- Shelley, Ed and Jessie. We are going to be coaching a team of players who are enrolled in a 90 day personal growth seminar called PLD (Pacesetter's Leadership Dynamic). It's an intense seminar where the players set goals in 4 areas of their lives (spiritual, mental wealth, health and relationships). The goals push the boundaries of their comfort zones and force them to stretch and grow with the support of a coach and a team. It's an amazing experience and I am truly looking forward to coaching and helping others move in their lives. I'll probably be talking about this a lot over the next 90 days, so I want to lay the foundation for you!

So last night the coaches got together to share our "stories" to understand each other's triggers and programs so that we will be better able to support each other in the game. One of the coaches, Shelley, shared her story. She told us about her brother Brian who is in jail. I was moved by her love for her brother as she told the story and felt compelled to write him a letter. She was very happy about that idea and was excited that I might share the letter in my blog. So, here goes...my first published letter.

Dear Brian,

You don't know me, yet I just learned about you last night through your sister Shelley. She was sharing her story with me and you were a very meaningful part. She described her journey through PSI and how you introduced her to the Basic. She talked about how close the two of you are and how much she misses you. She also talked about the connection with your older sister, the experience you shared at FC and the secret you've asked Shelley and your family to keep for fear of damaging that connection you've waited to long to have.

I won't pretend to understand everything you're going through. What I will say is that through the tears, as Shelley told her story and talked about you and your family, it was quite clear that there is a lot of love. Sometimes it's not clear in the moment why our lives unfold the way they do. From the outside looking in, I see such a gift in what you're going through. You're bringing your family together in a way that would not happen otherwise. I'm guessing that your older sister would truly want to be a part of this journey with you.

I'm grateful that Shelley shared her story with me. I got to witness the love she has for you. I'm grateful that you introduced Shelley to PSI so that we are now connected and about to go on a wild ride together as PLD coaches. You have made a positive difference in this world. The ripple effect of Shelley and all the people's lives she's touched since you introduced her to PSI is staggering. I'm quite sure you've made other contributions as well. You matter in this world to the people who love you and to people like me who don't even know you. And for that, I am grateful!

That feels really good!

Day Ninety One

Today was another good day. It was very emotional and I'm exhausted. Today Abe came over. I was surprised at how much I missed him and how happy I was to see him. I really did miss him a lot. We talked pretty seriously about things, about us. I want him to open up. I want to take our relationship to the next level. He's not used to the kind of connection that I want. He's in complete resistance, yet he wants me in his life. I basically gave him an ultimatum. I want him to take the PSI Basic seminar (life changing awesome personal growth seminar). Its the only way I can think to expose him to the way of being that will get us where I want to go. He's in complete resistance. Ugh... I guess we'll see how much he really wants to be in a relationship with me.

I wrote him a letter today telling him just how I feel about him and how happy I would be if he would trust me and move forward with me. It was a nice letter.

My sister Kim called me today. She is following a Bob Proctor program called six minutes to success. Today she was challenged to think of 3 people in her life who she truly admired and call those people and tell them why she admired them. She called me and left me the most heartfelt amazing message. I cried. She was crying in the message as she expressed her feelings. I saved that message and I've already listened to it 3 times. I texted her and told her that the way it felt to leave those messages is the way it feels to write these letters--absolutely amazing!

Day Ninety

Today was a good day! I got a lot done and I felt peaceful while doing it. The weather was gorgeous. I weighed myself and it wasn't as bad as I had imagined...life is good. Today I wrote checks to two people who have been very patient with getting payment from me. One is a good friend who filed some tax papers for me and said I could pay her "whenever". I was starting to feel horrible about it. It feels great to clear that debt. I wrote her a thank you card and expressed my gratitude for being so patient and understanding. The other was a new acquaintance whom I was starting to do some business with. I just plum ran out of funds and have been putting off paying her. I wrote that check today as well as a thank you card. I'm grateful for clearing those debts, having patient, understanding people in my life and having the abundance to be able to pay them!