So, today I'm feeling somewhat sad. Sad that I don't know the answers. I don't know how to make everything okay. I had an appointment this morning and as I was driving I thought about my own mother and how hard it must have been for her to be a single mom with no money, raising 5 hungry, whiney, needy (but damn cute) kids. I started to empathize with what she must have gone through. I think of myself as a very different kind of mother than my own. As I was driving, I thought of the similarities. How she was doing the best she knew how and maybe that wasn't enough for me. How I was still sad or angry despite her best efforts. What more can we ask of someone than their best efforts? I thought maybe it's my mother's turn for a letter today...
So, I searched through my stationery, not happy with the selection. Nothing was really suitable for my mother. I'm kind of a stationery snob and things have to be "just so". I settled on a card with a photo of the Eiffel Tower in a lightening storm. Not quite right, but it would have to do since I felt this rare connection and kinship to my mom and had to get it on paper as soon as possible. So, I lit my candle, put on my music and started to write. As I was writing, it wasn't feeling quite right. I wasn't feeling the love. I wasn't honoring my mother in all of her greatness. It was more of a report on the connection I discovered. Not good enough. She deserves more. Today is not the day for my mother.
I had a great conversation earlier with a dear friend. She's truly amazing. We've been friends for over 30 years. I wrote her a letter filled with the wonder of who she is. It felt good, right and worthy. Aaaaahhhh......
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